


And these worn out souls are all broken now

by Hopeful_Foolx



Series: Whumptober 2019 [12]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Don't Move, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, M/M, Near Drowning, Percy the icicle, Percy whump, Water, Whumptober 2019, You can't tell me Percy doesn't have a trauma with snow, like come on, like two weeks late, mostly the first two, the other only have a brief appearence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 22:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21215969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: It's winter. There is snow everywhere, and Percy gets lost during a fight. In more ways than one.





	And these worn out souls are all broken now

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, day 12. I plan on finishing this series, but if every prompt gets as much out of hand as this one, it might take some time. Again, I am not a native english speaker. All mistakes are mine.  
I got the title from Barns Courtneys 'Goodbye John Smith'

Percy wasn’t sure if he really hated winter. Long ago, when he was a child in the castle, it was a special time, when it was too cold in the rooms and he and his siblings camped out in front of the big fireplace. The twins, Cassandra- 

But Cassandra. The picture of her small body in the snow. The arrows in her chest and her closed eyes. He barely remembered how he got away, but the image haunted his dreams. She died there in the snow, and he ran. When they ran, he had seen her breath in the cold. He even held her hand, or she held his, they clung together until… Until she slipped from his grip and fell, eyes closed. He hadn’t seen her breath, or maybe he just couldn’t get himself to look. Because he sometimes remembered the hot tears on his face, as he ran. But maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him, like it did with the black smoke in his dreams. 

Still, he felt uncomfortable in the snow, even with the hopes of a warm fire later. And right now, there was only snow around him. It was just their luck to be caught in a snowstorm on their way to kill only a damn troll. And it was only his luck to back away and now having trouble seeing  _ anything _ . His gun had jammed two times in a row, making him duck away from the fight to repair whatever did that. The only sign that he was not alone were the noises, shouting, grunting. He couldn’t do too much from his spot back here, his options were limited to a few. Or, limited to two. Staying put (as he was told as a kid in case he got lost) or moving towards the noise. He wasn’t a child anymore, and his friends needed him. The cold slowly ate through his clothes, he felt the wind cut where his coat ended. One option then. Staying put would steal the little warmth he had left. Staying put would be the worst idea on the long run, and so he started moving towards the noise. He held his gun with both hands, even though he felt his fingers stinging. The wind dragged the snowflakes towards him, and it became more and more difficult to fight it. After a few steps he had to look up, his glasses wet and only of use to keep some of the snow out of his eyes, and find his bearings again. The sounds seemed to come from the other side now, even if he was sure that he walked a straight line towards them. 

It wasn’t his only problem.

\--

Vax’ildan put a dagger in the trolls chest and ducked away from a swinging fist, his eyes falling on his sister. She was close but barely visible, a testament to the heavy snow around them. But she was there. Vax took mental stock of her companions. He could hear Grog, light was a sign of Keyleth, and some mocking words he couldn’t make out one of Scanlan, his tone enough to recognize him. No gunshots. And no blue coat to be seen.  _ Percy where are you _ ?

He had no way of asking now and no other choice as to ignore the heavy feeling settling in his chest. He was fine. Probably. He had to be fine. And even if he wasn’t, their best chance was when they finished this troll. Vex appeared next to him, seemingly out of nowhere, and gave him a strange look. 

“I don’t see Percy.” He explained, eyes open to everything around them when she also took stock of their friends. 

“Me neither, we’ll get to that when there is time.” She sent an arrow the second he sank another dagger in the creature.

\---

His face stung and he had put the gun away when he couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. The tip of his nose had also gone numb what felt like a long time ago. He no longer heard the noises from the fight. Or any noise at all, that wasn’t his own breathing.

Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the third of Whitestone, was lost. Really, truly lost. He didn’t know where he was walking anymore. He was only walking to not stop, stopping meant letting the cold win. He was as good as dead when he stopped moving now, his teeth chattering and his jaw hurting from it, his feet also hurt, not numb yet except for his toes, his hands in his pockets, deeply shoved into them. 

It wasn’t the only way he was lost. He only saw white, white around him, freezing, snow. Maybe he started hallucinating already, maybe it was the cold, but every few minutes he thought he saw or heard something and he turned towards it, and sometimes he even thought to make out the small shape in the snow, laying there. Cassandra in the snow, on her side, eyes closed. Only a shadow, as if he forgot her face. 

He was sure he heard her voice this last time, or heard any voice at least. He tried to make out the shape he thought to see until… There was a crack beneath him. He heard it before, as he wandered around there were a few noises like this, but this one was different. Louder. And a voice, clear this time. As clear as the ice beneath him, probably.

A different shape, now behind him, strangely sharp. Black against all the white around. Not too far away, But there, on the other side, he still saw the body of Cas in the snow. His sister.

“Percival, stop. Don’t move.” Behind him, and he recognized Vax’ildan. Relief washed over him like a lukewarm wave. 

“Vax, I found-” He was cut off by his own voice giving out on him. He took a step towards Cassandra, so Vax could see her, waving a stiff hand in her direction. If he was here, the other members of Vox Machina weren’t too far away, and even if he was terribly cold by now, they could warm them both up again. Him and Cassandra. He wasn’t much of use now, as he barely felt his feet anymore, his hands, his face. His ears. They still seemed to work just fine, except for the numbness.

“No, Percy, I don’t know what you’re saying but please, stop. Don’t take another step, don’t move, okay? We’re on a lake, there is ice beneath you. Don’t move, just… look down. You can see the ice, right?” 

Ice? Lake? There was a river near the castle, not a lake. Was there a lake? He looked back to Cassandra, her shape still visible as only a shape. Vax was closer to him. He had to tell him, they had to get help for his younger sister. 

“She took three arrows to the chest, Vax, she’s going to freeze to death  _ and  _ bleed out if-” Another crack, deeper this time. He saw it now. The snow cover split where the ice had broken. 

“Percy, dammit, stop moving!” Vax held his hands in front of him now, as if he wanted him to grab them. 

“Stand still, perfectly still. The others are here any minute now. What did you think, wandering off like that?” 

Percy shook his head. 

“Vax, you don’t understand, don’t you see her?!” 

“See who?” He rolled his eyes. Vax was far from blind, he should be able to see even with the heavy snowfall. Another step, away now, to show him, a crack, a yelp, and the next thing he saw was a hand that was trying to get to him, and darkness. The sensation of falling, the turning in his stomach, the heaviness of his already too cold limbs. He didn’t stand a chance against the dark. But darkness underwater, he realized for the seconds that he had left. Darkness around him, as cold water swallowed him. And it was strangely familiar. He felt like that before. Caught in a freezing cocoon, swallowed whole. Every muscle locked, eyes open even though there was nothing to see. To hear. Burning in his lungs.

And a shape so close, so close.

So close… 

\---

Everything after that was hazy. He was freezing and burning the next second. He blinked and saw faces above him, he couldn’t breathe, tasted water. Darkness, stinging, tingling. 

Everything was moving after that, and he struggled to blink to see the world above him moving, clouds and a strange blue. A face again, someone was talking but he couldn't make out the words. Gods he was so cold. So cold it hurt every muscle in his body, every bone seemed snapped, he wanted to cry and scream and sob as he felt shivers run through his body, he saw himself back in the cell down in the castle, he saw Cassandra in the snow. He saw Ripley again. He hoped he would just die.

He blinked and the sky was no longer blue but red, and the voices were talking again. He blinked again and felt a warm weight next to him. He blinked and the weight was gone and he was moved again, he didn’t want to, but his limbs didn’t respond when he tried to move away. The sky was white up there.

He blinked and he slept. 

\---

Vax’ildan had his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them, as he watched Percy sleep. The inn was small but clean, the room had two beds, only one occupied. Vax didn’t plan on sleeping until it was strictly necessary.

It took a day of walking to get back to the town, and even more time with Percy unconscious. Most of the time, at least, the brief seconds he seemed awake were not more than shivering, eyes cracked open slightly. 

Right now as he watched him breathe he still saw it. Percy talking nonsense about someone in the snow, the ice breaking and how he vanished, one second to another, vanished underwater. Even with Vex arriving mere seconds later it had took the both of them too long to get him out, even longer until he was coughing up water, but breathing. 

Now he was in a bed, finally. The fireplace warmed the room, as well as the many blankets they had put onto him, especially since most of his clothes were still drying. They had pried off his coat and most of them when they got him breathing again, wrapping him in every piece of spare cloth they had with them. He woke up a few times before they arrived here, but every time he was not coherent. Grog had carried him most of the way, and Vax had taken it onto himself to provide warmth when they took a break. Percy was a bundle of blankets next to him, and still he either was too still, or he suddenly started to shiver so bad it must have woken him up in between. Quiet whimpers and the wrong, wrong wrong wrong sound of nearly silent sobs were the only sign of waking he showed in the last now nearly two days. 

A knock on the door made Vax turn around, as Keyleth walked in, carrying two bowls of soup. 

“In case he wakes up. And for you too, of course.” He nodded grimly and took one of the bowls from her. It was only thanks to her that they even got Percy back when they fished him out of the water. Still, her healing hadn’t taken much more effect than bringing him back from the brink, and he could feel that it bugged her. Still, she kept that to herself. He still saw it, when she provided every blanket she could find to wrap Percy in them, as soon as she, Vex and him had gotten away from the lake. He wasn’t even sure how Percy got there, and much less how long he wandered around on it. 

When she closed the door behind her with a quiet click, and Vax was already eating the burning hot soup, he heard a groan from under the pile of blankets. A very human and familiar sound. 

“Percy.” he tried, putting his bowl away and sitting up straight. “Freddy, come on. Wake up sleeping beauty, talk to me.” 

Percy had heard the voices again as the first thing in the darkness. But sound came first, the sound of a door that closed. And then sensation. A heavy weight on top of him. Pain in his head. Tingling in his fingers, that were no longer numb. His voice was next, as he tried to open his eyes to a too bright room and failed any word at first. 

But sound didn’t let him down, movement not entirely, and he turned his head in the direction of the voice. 

And blinked again, with less difficulty this time. The face wasn’t too close but it was blurry, and maybe it was because he didn’t have his glasses on or maybe he was just really tired. But probably both. Tired, he was tired, oh yes. 

“There you go. Took you long enough, de Rolo.” He groaned again. From all people he had to wake up to it was Vax. Great. Just his luck. 

“Take your time in talking to me, but I am under strict instructions to get this bowl of soup into you if you show signs of waking.” 

“Hmmm…” He blinked again, a few times now, but the room was still not quite right. But… It was a room. Last time he remembered they were… were… Not in a room. And it wasn’t warm, much less this warm. He remembered snow… And… And… His eyes snapped open and he struggled to sit, as he remembered. Troll, fight, snow, his gun, the cold, Cas-

“Hey, slow down there.” Vax was on the bed and next to him and he hadn’t even seen him move. “Easy there.” He put a hand on his chest to hold him in place. 

“I saw- I saw Cassandra-” 

“Yes. Breathe, Freddy. You’re not completely up to date, breathe.” The hand was still there and he just now realized that he wasn’t wearing… clothes. Oh no, he wasn’t wearing enough clothes. At least a bit better. He tried to breathe deeply as commanded, but his throat felt raw and that he kicked off a part of his blanket pile made him shiver again. He closed his eyes to concentrate, and the hand was gone and replaced with warmth, as Vax pulled up the blankets again. It hit him far too hard. They had had a fight. A troll. And Cassandra… She was dead close to five years now. 

Vax watched Percy closely, close in case he did something stupid again. He had half expected him to be this confused, still, when was he ever prepared for people? It took a moment until Percy relaxed again, not as much as when he was asleep, but enough for now. 

“She wasn’t there. I was… hallucinating.” His voice was quiet and he turned his head to face Vax again, who sighed. He saw the pain in Percys features, but it was like a flash, gone in an instant. He locked himself up again, even if it took more time now. At least he stayed put in bed, but he suspected that he only did that because he was too weak to do much else. There was still not a hint of color on his face, and his eyes appeared darker with the shadows under them. He slept for days and seemed tired still. 

“I’m sorry, I checked the ice, but there was no one there. You got lost during the fight.” Vax wasn’t one to comfort someone, he wasn’t good at it, never was. Vex was better, slightly, calling everyone darling did a great thing of it. Also, she had a bear. Maybe that did some good too. And also, she was the only person he ever talked too, so he was sure she was a good talker feeling-wise. But Vax’ildan? Not a good talker. Especially about things like feelings. Whoever Cassandra was, whatever Percy thought he had seen, they had to talk about it one day, but not today. Not now.

He kept quiet as Percy also didn’t say anything. Still, it was comfortable. A comfortable silence in the room. They were both good at silence, it seemed. It didn’t feel weird, even after some time. Maybe they were both lost in thought. He noticed how Percy seemed close to nodding off again, and it was only then that he remembered.

“So… I still have to feed you a whole bowl of soup. Keyleths orders.” It broke the comfortable silence in the probably best way.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) Talk to me on @loves-already-won on Tumblr ^^


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